It’s normal to experience anger and an uncomfortable lingering silence after you’ve had an argument with your partner. Some wish things would get back to normal the day after but the awkwardness sticks! The reality is, that you have to get through this awkward stage to get peace and happiness back into your lives. Know that the silence and anger may last a few hours to a few days depending on the cause of the argument.

I would like to share that my husband and I are total oposites, he is an extrovert and I an introvert. People tend to think that this balances everything out but I will tell you that it is a lot more challenging getting to that even ground when our personalities are at the oposite ends of the spectrum. I appreciate the silence that arguments bring that I can remain silent for days, but he absolutely cannot stand the silence that he’s usually the first one to try and break that awkwardess by provoking anger or being the first to apologize. Don’t get me wrong, I will eventually get to the point when I’m missing him like crazy but this is us, every situation is different. I do not condone silent treatment, therefore you really have to open up to make it work and break the phase quickly.

Anyway, breaking the silence requires delicacy and a commitment to reconcile. If you find yourself having trouble getting past this uncomfortable period, here are some tips that might help.

#1 – Dispel the Anger by doing breathing exercises like “Boxed Breathing”: Boxed Breathing, also known as “square breathing is a relaxation technique that involves consciously regulating your breath to calm the mind and body. It consists of inhaling, holding the breath, exhaling, and holding the breath again, each for an equal or varying duration (e.g. 4-4-4-4, 4-6-4-6). Like the face-in-paperbag technique, you could consider purchasing breathing devices that may help to dispell anger, or simply do 2-3 sets of the following: Take a deep breath in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4-6 seconds, release through pursed lips for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4-6 seconds. You will feel a wave of calm after the first round, and even more after you’ve completed about 2-3 repetitions.

#2 – Reflect: Take a moment to reflect on what happened. Contemplate on how and why the argument began. Reflect on you and your partner’s reactions, examine factors that contributed to the escalation, and think how the situation would have turned out if either of you took a different approach.

#3 – Choose a Calm and Appropriate Time: Wait until both of you have had a chance to cool off before initiating the conversation. Pick a time when you’re both relaxed and can give each other your full attention.

#4 – Acknowledge the Silence and Anger: Recognize the current state of the relationship. Admit that there’s tension and express your desire to address it together.

#5 – Take Responsibility for Your Emotions and Talk in a Neutral (not Argumentative) Tone: Begin the conversation by acknowledging your own feelings of anger or hurt. Use “I” statements to express how the argument has affected you emotionally.

#6 – Approach with Empathy: Show empathy towards your partner’s feelings. Acknowledge that your partner may also be experiencing anger or hurt, and validate his/her emotions.

#7 – Express a Genuine Desire to Reconnect: Let your partner know that you value your relationship and want to move past the conflict. Express your willingness to work through the issue together.

#8 – Avoid Blame and Accusations: Refrain from blaming your partner or bringing up past grievances. Focus on the present issue and how you can resolve it together. Try to have your partner experience what it would feel like if the roles were reversed.

#9 – Listen Actively: Allow your partner to express his/her feelings without interruption. Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and paraphrasing points to show that you understand.

#10 – Find Common Ground: Look for areas of agreement or shared goals that can serve as a starting point for resolution. Focus on finding solutions that benefit both of you.

#11 – Apologize and Forgive: If you’ve said or done something hurtful, apologize sincerely. Likewise, be willing to forgive any mistakes your partner has made during the argument.

#12 – Communicate Constructively: Use positive communication techniques such as speaking calmly, using “I” statements, and avoid being defensive. Be open to compromise and find mutually acceptable solutions.

#13 – Work on Rebuilding Trust: Reassure your partner that you are committed to the relationship and are willing to work through challenges together. Take steps to rebuild trust by being transparent and consistent in your actions

#14 – Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you are not able to resolve the conflict on your own, consider seeking the help from a couples therapist. A trained professional can provide guidance and facilitate a productive dialogue between the two of you.

Breaking the silence and anger after an argument is challenging and requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to work through the issues together. By approaching the situation with understanding and a commitment to reconcile, you can strengthen your relationship and move forward positively.